<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Forget Functional by sophh</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27016567">Forget Functional</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sophh/pseuds/sophh'>sophh</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>HP Rarepairs Bingo, 2020 [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Attempt at Humor, Furniture Shopping, Harry Potter Rare Pair Bingo: Round 2, IKEA, Jamulus, M/M, Shopping</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 02:40:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>689</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27016567</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sophh/pseuds/sophh</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>James and Regulus go shopping for furniture for their new place. It doesn't go well. Muggle!AU.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Regulus Black/James Potter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>HP Rarepairs Bingo, 2020 [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1971754</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Harry Potter Rare Pair Bingo: Round Two!</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Forget Functional</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written for HP Rarepairs Bingo 2020, square T034: (event) IKEA shopping.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Regulus looked around the large warehouse-shop monstrosity, fighting to keep the dismay from his face.</p><p>"This place is very...large," he said carefully, turning to the bespectacled man beside him. "And I just saw that you have to put the furniture together <em> yourself</em>. Why would you bring me here, James?"</p><p>James laughed and ran a hand through his dark hair, causing it to stand on end. "Because everyone loves this place!"</p><p><em> "I </em> don't love this place," Regulus said under his breath, but he followed his boyfriend further into the shop all the same. </p><p>James had finally asked Regulus to move in with him—not that Regulus had been waiting on him to do so for six months, or anything—but his style was very questionable. Regulus had only said yes under the condition that he be the one to decorate their new place. James had cheerfully agreed, and said that he knew of just the place to go. </p><p>That place...was IKEA. </p><p>Regulus didn't have anything against Swedes, but he couldn't stand the bright blue and yellow hideousness that his eyes were forced to endure everywhere he looked, from the outside of the building to the employee uniforms. It was an <em> abomination</em>—a match made in hell, if you will. </p><p>James didn't seem to notice or care about the color scheme, bounding through department after department with the energy of a five-year-old. Regulus never <em> would </em> understand how his boyfriend could be so...exuberant. </p><p>"Regulus!" James called. Regulus rounded the corner and found James bouncing away on a mattress. Apparently, they had reached the mattress department. "What do you think of this one, Reg?" he asked excitedly. "It's quite soft." </p><p>Regulus raised an eyebrow. "You want to buy our mattress <em> here?" </em> </p><p>"Sure, why not? We can get a bed to go with it!" James said, gesturing around at the abysmal selection. </p><p>Regulus sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "No, James. I refuse to buy a mattress here—I require something much firmer and a good deal more plush. And I'm nixing the bed idea as well. These beds are ugly and uncouth."</p><p>James laughed. "They're not supposed to look good, Reg. They're supposed to be <em> functional."  </em></p><p>Regulus was horrified by this, of course, having been raised in a household where function was entirely irrelevant. What mattered was how much money something cost and how utterly jealous it would make the rest of your high-class friends. </p><p>"James, please," he managed, though it was difficult to speak when he felt so close to hyperventilating. "We are not decorating our flat with—with some dime-a-dozen, mass-produced junk!" </p><p>"Fine," James said, pouting deeply. </p><p>Regulus held his ground, unwilling to give in just because James was making himself look pitiful and sad. "That look won't work on me," he warned. "Maybe it works on Sirius, but not on me."</p><p>"Well, I happen to think it's working," James declared before jutting his bottom lip out once more. </p><p>Regulus walked away, shaking his head. "Sorry, nope, you're wrong." </p><p>He turned right out of the mattress department and found himself in the linens. After turning left out of there, he found himself in the children's department. Another left took him...back to the mattress department? He thought he was following the overhead signs to the exit, but they seemed to be sending him in circles instead.  </p><p>"I can't believe this," he muttered. </p><p>"Reg! You came back for me!" James cried dramatically as Regulus trudged back over to him.</p><p>Regulus blushed as other shoppers turned to stare at them. "I was <em> trying </em>to get out of this bloody store!" he hissed. </p><p>It was James' turn to shake his head. "Reg, love, we can't leave until we've had the meatballs."</p><p>Regulus looked at his boyfriend suspiciously. "The...meatballs?" He did rather enjoy meatballs, even if they weren't the most refined of foods.</p><p>"Yeah, from the café. Come on, I'll show you the way." James bounced himself off of the mattress and grabbed Regulus' hand. "Prepare to be amazed." </p><p>Regulus hesitated, then allowed himself to be pulled towards the mythical IKEA café. Those meatballs had better be worth it. </p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>